The long-awaited return of Novel!muse! Whooo!

Anyone wondering across my other blogs or sites every now and then may recall me whining and complaining about how fanfiction takes up all my time and I never write my novels, which is what I feel I should be putting most effort into, since they are the projects that have the potential to do such things like, you know, make me some money.

Having just finished my Saints Row 2 fanfic, I've recently found myself strangely fanfic-free. It feels weird. Sure, I'm working on a rather long Mass Effect oneshot, have a Betrayed sequel nestled safely in my head, and a gaping abyss left to be filled by the long-awaited second half of The Wall that Fell… but I currently have nothing that is eating my brain alive like most fanfic plot bunnies. I haven't felt this way since 2003 or something like that. Wow.

At the beginning of this "fanfic break" I really forced myself to work on my poor neglected novels, and very very slowly the ideas started trickling in again, the upcoming scenes wouldn't let me sleep again, I began to actually get excited to write the novels again. Until just last week I realized I.AM.NOW.OBSESSED.WITH.THE.NOVELS. o_O Especially LIB – it has GRABBED me and will NOT let go. I think about writing it all the time. It is now the ONLY thing I want to write. I'm starting to really know the characters and love them. This has all happened to me before – before I got into fanfic – but I'm serious, I haven't felt this way about an original story in a very long, long time.

I find it GLORIOUS and refreshing! For awhile I was secretly worried my novel!muse had just died of starvation… I am THRILLED to find that is not at all the case. Whew!!!!!

And yet on the other hand, it may be doom for my fanfictions… and that may not matter a lot except for the fact I VOWED to finish The Wall that Fell, and so MUST do it or die trying. At this point, it feels though I will die trying. 🙁 My original plan was to focus most energy on the novels, and write fanfic in between when I needed a mental break from the serious work. Now that my previous fervor for writing original stuff has returned, I'm not sure I will be able to tear myself away. :S

But. I MUST! At least for TWTF, because I owe it to those poor readers who have been waiting since… what, 2005?? for an ending to that damn thing. I'm GOING to do it!!!! I just have no idea how. 😛 Maybe I need to rewatch all the LOTRs to re-inspire me. Something drastic must be done, because I sit down with the half chapter I have so far and stare at it. The thing is I don't think I'd mind writing the next three chapters to end it, but there's this SPACE that needs to be filled in beforehand, not much, but just enough to make me really balk at it. *facepalm*

BAH! It drives me crazy.

I'm still glad I'm so excited for the novels though. Not going to give that up!!! And I learned a TON, a MILLION things, from writing fanfiction and from the INVALUABLE and AMAZING feedback from readers, fellow writers, and beta readers. I most definitely would be a much shittier writer if not for fanfiction, so I don't regret it.

I will just continue to hold out hope that somehow, someway, I will magically manage to have the best of both worlds. 😛

(And may I say once again how wonderful it is to feel this way again about my own stuff! WHEEEEEEEEeeeeee!!!! And yes, I am procrastinating, cuz the half-chapter of TWTF is sitting open on my desktop right now…….. )

(Also this has been cross-posted to lossefalme)