Following is an excerpt from Chapter 5 of my current novel WIP, a science fiction with a romance twist. It was going to be submitted to the Quirk Books Looking For Love Contest, but will be nowhere near finished by the deadline. The new goal for this one is to be finished with the entire rough draft by the end of December 2013. Hope you enjoy this little snippet!
***
“Hey, Sokolov!”
Pavel jumped, spinning the chair around to see George himself standing there, his strawberry-blond hair precisely styled, waiting with suit jacket draped over one arm and omnipad in hand.
“You still brooding in here?”
Pavel shot the man a look, quickly saving and transferring his latest design project over to his own omnipad, then shutting down his work computer. So much for stalling. “I’m not brooding,” he said.
“Uh huh. Whatever you say. Let’s go, you’ll be late to your own party.”
Pavel rolled his eyes, standing from the chair and shrugging into his jacket before sweeping his omnipad off the desk and tucking it protectively into the jacket’s inside pocket. “Still not sure why we celebrate simply picking four options out of hundreds like it’s something to be proud of,” he muttered.
George slapped him on the back, jarring him as he swiped his chip to lock his office and making him have to do it again to make sure it took.
“We’re celebrating your good choices!” the man said, ignoring Pavel’s look of annoyance.
“We don’t even know if they were good choices until the baby is actually born,” Pavel grumbled. “Don’t you think these parties are a little… premature?”
George hooked an arm around Pavel’s shoulders as they moved toward the elevator, the rest of the floor already abandoned for the night, and shook his head. “Nope. We’re celebrating the fact that you think you made the best possible choices, and whatever really happens, happens. But for right now, you did your part, and that deserves a round of drinks!”
Pavel frowned, not seeing how that made any sense at all. “Okay…”
“Isn’t Amy doing something with her friends, too?”
“Well, yes, but -”
“So see? She wouldn’t be home, anyway. You need to relax a little, have some fun.”
“But we’ve already done this, five times…”
The elevator dinged, the doors whooshing open. “True,” George admitted, letting Pavel step in first. “But never for you, my friend.”
Pavel gave up his argument, sighing as the doors slid shut, closing off his view of the lobby windows and the last few bars of sunset stretching out across the shiny floor.
***
Brave stuff putting your work out there for public consumption! I absolutely love the final paragraph and the way it leaves the reader lingering in the empty space after the characters have left. Beautifully done. Being able to take the almost-first person narrative created by all that dialogue, then shift seamlessly into the viewer’s perspective takes a deft touch. You also clearly have a way with dialogue; there’s not a line in there that jars on the ear. I didn’t think this was really going to be my thing when I read your introduction, but I genuinely loved it. Bravo!! More soon please…
WOW. Thank you SO MUCH for that amazing comment! ^_^ I really, really appreciate the detailed breakdown there of what you liked about the snippet… good feedback helps just as much as the not-so-good! Heh. I actually HAVE to put my work out there in some way, even if it’s only to a closed group of friends and family, because the interaction and feedback is what keeps me inspired and enthusiastic about working on my stuff. I know that probably sounds weird, but I think it stems from the nearly ten years I spent writing fanfiction and getting good feedback on those stories. I got used to the instant feedback as I was still writing, the encouragement and support when I got stuck, and people staying on top of me asking for updates. So then when I finally turned back to my original works, I felt this very large gap… a sort of depression and loneliness, really. Putting stuff on this blog and sending even my rough draft out to a group of beta readers has helped a lot with that, thank goodness! I try to get away with putting snippets out to the public occasionally, but I really have to limit them because if you post too much publicly, it counts as the whole work being published! Trust me though, I WISH I could just put it all up here, lol. I will do my best to put up at least another piece or two before it’s over. 😉 Thank you again so much for reading and commenting! It’s good motivation!!
Is this the piece you were talking about potentially becoming a series (in your head)? 🙂 (I don’t want to accidentally force you into making promises on your blog, I’m just curious!)
LOL. Yes, this is from the novel that could potentially, maybe, possibly at some point but with no guarantees turn into a series somewhere around eight books long. 😉 There… I think I left myself enough outs, teeheheh….